i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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