also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
