I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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