Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
