I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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