Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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