I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
