'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
