I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
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As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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