Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
