i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
