So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
