The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
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Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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