there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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