just survived the first fart of the relationship.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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