Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
