tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
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To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
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My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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