Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
well you can't waste a boner
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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