the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think my moral compass just broke
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
