It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
