oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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