i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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