im about as happy as oj after his trial
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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