he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
vagina is talking i cant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you inspire me to be a worse person
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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