Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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