you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
