He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
