Buhtt sex?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
