dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
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I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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