I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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