i barfeds in our rink
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
