Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
