Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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