all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
