you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
