that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
