i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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