this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
