It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
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