watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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