I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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