if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
