So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
