you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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