i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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