You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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