One girl and one boy is just not enough.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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