Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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