I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
