I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
