At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My vagina is very pro this idea
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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