look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
soo... how was my night?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
