the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
