The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
