I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
