Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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