So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
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Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
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Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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