I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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