im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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