I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
