I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize