so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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