worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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