then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
