I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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