We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
