sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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