Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
