shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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