1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
