Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
