About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Girls should come with a carfax report
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
