remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
