literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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